Blake and Eva

What woman hasn’t had this conversation in her head?
What woman hasn’t had this conversation in her head?

We all dislike shopping for something…for me, it’s bathing suits, bras, and wedding appropriate dresses. But since I have two weddings in the next three weeks, I had to try and find the right—or alright—dress! Here’s the dialogue that ran through my head once I stepped into the department store’s dress department!

“God,I don’t want to buy or wear a dress…ohhh, look at these flowy-type pants, those could be considered fancy…I’ll text Marin and see if I can wear these… damn, she says I need to wear a dress!… does she not know flowy pants are back in?… I’ll text her again…she insists “a dress”!! Ok, fine I get it.
I hate this, I am going to cry, I am so not into wearing a fancy dress, I am just not into it anymore. Ugly, Ugly, not my style, bad color, too loud. Just pick a few to try. You might surprise yourself. Yeah, right! Ok, I’ll try these on. Should I try on the size I hope I am –Let’s keep it real. Don’t make yourself more depressed.

(Inside dressing room)

Pretty color, too fitted, damn this size doesn’t fit –what the hell?
This is a pretty Calvin Klein, could be cute on…. ugh, doesn’t zip!
I like this maxi dress even though stripes aren’t my thing, at least it zipped. Damn it’s tight, but it did zip, barely. Sh*t! I have to go another size up? I can’t be that big.

(Back in the dresses section)

Why haven’t I been trying to lose some weight for these weddings? I’ve literally been walking around and around this section for an hour. I must keep looking. Ugh! All these mother of the bride and older lady looking outfits. I am more than double the age of the bride, but I don’t want to look like one of her parents friends! Seriously, who looks good in polka dots? Can I wear plain black? All these jumpsuit things, kind of cute—could i get away with it? I think it requires thin and tall to pull off.
Fine, I’ll try the maxi striped number in a larger size. Hmmm, is it too big or is it supposed to poof out that way? Do I need some Spanx—it will make me sweat like a pig. Ugh, I hate this lighting, am I really this big? I think I need a strapless bra, crap I gave mine away, now i have to buy one another one?
That woman in the next stall is giving advice to her friend. She sounds like she is giving some honest advice. I need some of her advice. Ok, she likes the dress and doesn’t think I look fat. Done deal, I’m getting the dress, but in both sizes– see what i can accomplish in a week of good eating…starting tomorrow though, I need a burger after that drama.”

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